Tag Archives: Marriage

Are You Wifey Material!?

Cristiano Ronaldo and Irina Shayk have had, in a certain famous person’s words, a conscious uncoupling after dating for five years. Why do I know this!? Well, because a certain Kenyan chap tweeted the story and added this caption…”Ladies, I keep telling you, if a man dates you for over two years, you are not wifey material.”

This actually made me laugh out loud. Sometimes it’s the only way to deal with people’s “school of thought.” First of all, what is the correlation between length of dating and being wifey material? Is it not possible for two people to decide to take it slow? When did two years become the magic number? What if the two of them have mutually agreed that they want to take their time to get to know each other deeply? But, hey, that can’t be the case because men call all the shots, right!? The woman’s role is to just sit around and hang on until the man decides if she is wifey material or not…huh?  So, if you are dating for more than two years then you are some type of failure? But only if you are the woman, right!? Because it isn’t possible for the man to not be hubby material? What if the lady is not even interested in marriage!? What if she is into the Oprah and Stedman type of relationship? Does that mean she is somehow not worthy when they decide to go their separate ways!?

Marriage is not everyone’s dream. Yes, that’s a difficult idea for some to grasp but it is true. I think that people have been socialized to believe that a relationship is a dictatorship led by the man. He cherry-picks the woman from among the many available to him. He then decides if she is worthy to be his wife, have his last name and bear his children. As women, we are expected to rejoice that a man has picked us out of the masses. Then promptly start fantasizing about the wedding and married life we have been dreaming of since we were little girls. If the dating relationship results in anything but marriage then it is solely the fault of the woman. You and your shortcomings will never be anybody’s wife, they say.

Except that that is not how things work, or at least they shouldn’t. Relationships are not dictatorships. They are mutually beneficial partnerships, and the only way to truly be happy in them is to treat them as such, in my opinion. Yes, women are decision makers in their relationships. Yes, we also walk away from relationships when we realize the man is not  who he initially claimed to be. Yes, we also agree with the man to call it quits when the relationship is going nowhere fast. We don’t sit around waiting for the man to say, “Well, you are not wifey material so BYE.” When we realize the man isn’t in it for the long haul, we also have the ability to bid him adieu and keep it moving.

So calm down with trying to impose your timelines on women. Stop passing judgment on people’s relationships, that you were not a fly on the wall for, and then confidently using said judgments to give women life “pointers.”

No Country for Women – Part 3

Just when you think our “leaders” are finally getting it together, they open their mouths and expose their lack of common sense and basic intellect.

Slightly over a week ago, William Kabogo, a Kenyan governor, decided to give a lesson, let’s call it “Challenges to Socio-Economic Progress 101,” to a crowd in his county that had gone to witness him launch a water project. The remarks he made made me wonder who exactly elected this guy and why. For it is impossible to disguise such stupidity. Politicians have doctorates in being chameleons, that I know. However, there is a certain level of stupidity that quite simply cannot be chameleoned (yes, I invented a word) away. Surely, how did the electorate miss this man’s brand of stupid!?

Here are some of the remarks that he made as reported by the Daily Nation.

“…and you young women should find husbands and get married because you are the cause of all these problems we are having yet there are men all over the place.” Oh OK. So the existence of women is the reason why there is unemployment, poverty, poor infrastructure, inadequate health services and lack of water, among others!? And men are magically the solution to all these problems!? And getting married will allow the men to unleash their problem solving skills and propel communities forward!? Obviously the only aspiration young women have is to get married, right!? Yeah, that’s definitely the most effective way to eliminate problems faced not only by the governor’s county but the whole country! Really though governor!? Please miss us with that craziness. That is nothing but chewed up grass.

“Once you get to 35 and you don’t have a husband, you should find out what’s wrong with you because you are on the wrong path, isn’t it? Now we’ll start the practice where if you want to get elected, you declare your intention with your wife or husband at your side.” Again, when did the singular goal of every woman become getting a husband!? So if you are not married then you are on the wrong path and doomed to fail at life!? Ha…spare us the lies governor. There are millions of single women who are thriving in all aspects of their lives. And what’s this about declaring your intention with your wife or husband at your side!? Because what does that prove? What is the correlation between being married and being a great leader!? That’s right…absolutely none. There are any unmarried people who excel as leaders. Heck in some cases they even perform better than their married counterparts.

“Someone who is able to manage a home is equally able to run the affairs of the people. But if you cannot manage a home, yet there is usually no cause for worry in a home…can you manage public affairs?” Eh eh…clearly his insanity has no quota. There are plenty of people who are great at the home front but not so much so on the leadership front. Again, there is no correlation between the two. If his statement was even remotely true then every married person would be an excellent leader.

Some of these politicians are simply exhausting. Sometimes I think it is a tactic they use. They keep us so distracted by their ridiculousness and scandals that we don’t notice that they are actually too busy not fulfilling the promises they made when running for office.

What’s equally appalling is that there were people in the crowd cheering him on and cosigning his craziness!? Really!? Is that where we are as a society!? Don’t get me started on the reporter who had this to say about the governor’s remarks, “These would have passed for a set of innocuous statements or advice from the governor had the facts and context not been different.” Ala! In what context would these remarks have passed as harmless or advice!? Please tell us.

The “Weka Condom Mpangoni” Advert and Slightly Hypocritical Side-eye

An advert encouraging unfaithful partners to use protection has been airing on national TV in Kenya for quite some time now. Check it out below.

As you can see, the advert shows a married woman confiding in her friend about her husband and extramarital affair. The friend in turn tells her to protect her family by practicing safe sex in her affair.

Weka condom mpangoni means use a condom in your extramarital/side dish affairs. Needless to say, the advert has been the subject of a fiery public debate among Kenyans. There are those who argue that the advert promotes promiscuity and immorality. Others argue that it is simply encouraging people to protect themselves and their loved ones.

For the record this blogger does not condone unfaithfulness. If you are unhappy/unsatisfied in a relationship it is better to leave your partner than to cheat on them. It saves all the parties concerned time, energy, draining emotions and heartache.

That being said, the outcry against and condemnation of this advert is a bit hypocritical.

As a society, we have created a conducive environment for infidelity to thrive. Now that it has acquired the courage to step out of the darkness and into the limelight of our TVs we are complaining!? Now we remember everything that the scripture says about faithfulness!? Now we recall where the moral high ground is located!? Now we want to petition the CCK and everyone in between to have the advert pulled off air!? Really now!?

We laugh at our friend’s late night exploits with somebody’s spouse. We listen keenly to our neighbor’s intimate weekend adventures with someone’s boyfriend. We look forward to our workmate’s narration of a lunch hour tryst with their relative’s girlfriend. All the while these stories are relayed in whispered tones.

Those of us who are against such behavior protest silently. We walk away when the stories begin. We raise an eyebrow and our noses when we catch the narrator mid-sentence. If we know someone who is being unfaithful to their partner we simply sweep it under the rug.

To each his own it is said after all.

We can’t keep pretending that everything is perfect in our society. The reality is that infidelity is on the rise and so are STDs.  Attacking the advert is not going to shift this reality. We created this situation either through our tolerance or silence.

Why condemn in public what we condone in private!? Why are we hiding behind the wall of religion and morality!? Why are we so determined to run away from the truth!?  Why not channel our collective energy into tackling these issues head on!? Wouldn’t this benefit our society far much more than the insults and pretence!?